Feb 7Member-onlyTrump offers Solution to Chinese Spy BalloonPalm Beach, Florida. Feb 7, 2023 10:12am EST Former President Donald Trump said Sunday in Florida that if he were still the Commander-in-Chief he would “…launch a shock and awe campaign against China that would take care of everything.” Trump spoke at a $24 Sunday Brunch Buffet in Mar-a-Lago’s downstairs…Trump3 min readTrump3 min read
Jun 4, 2021Member-onlyHackers Hit HuggersPORTLAND, OR June 3, 2021, 7:09am PST Cyber attacks have found their way to one of Portland’s most beloved industries; its popular downtown hugging and cuddling shops. Just days after one of the largest meat suppliers in the U.S. was shut down by ransomware attacks from Russian hackers, Cuddle with…Satire3 min readSatire3 min read
May 25, 2021Member-onlyMillennial Cicadas Threaten to Cancel CicadaMania2021Washington D.C. Monday May 24, 2021 — The much anticipated coming of CicadaMania2021 is the latest event to be threatened by the generational divide. The once-every-17 year phenomenon could now be the latest victim of cancel culture by young cicadas. …Cicadas3 min readCicadas3 min read
May 26, 2020Member-onlyThings I’ve ForgottenAfter a couple of months at home in this pandemic, I’ve come to realize that I’ve forgotten how to do some very basic things. Experts say it takes 66 days to form habits, so it makes sense that in as many days in lockdown now, everyday habits are starting to…3 min read3 min read
Apr 6, 2020Member-onlyIn “Pearl Harbor week”, Trump Turns to Victoria SecretWASHINGTON DC, April 4th, 2020, 9:26am EST — After being warned on Sunday by Surgeon General Jerome Adams that “This is going to be the hardest and saddest week of most Americans’ lives.”, President Trump again invoked the 1950 Defense Production Act to order another American company to pivot from…2 min read2 min read
Mar 29, 2020Member-onlyIf I Get the Virus, Get Me a TeslaIf I get sick, I want a ventilator made by Tesla. Not one made by General Motors. No offense GM, but I want one that breathes on its own, not one that needs to be bailed out. I want one where I can sit behind the wheel of it and…Humor2 min readHumor2 min read
Mar 1, 2020Member-onlyPence Appoints Jesus Christ as Coronavirus AdministratorWASHINGTON, DC — March 1, 2020 10:07am EST Vice President Mike Pence, who last week was put in charge of America’s response to the Coronavirus, today appointed Jesus Christ as his top administrator in charge of the pandemic. …Coronaviruses2 min readCoronaviruses2 min read
Feb 21, 2020Member-onlyTrump Pardons Stone…for Space Force?WASHINGTON DC, February 20, 2020, 5:31pm EST — Following today’s sentencing of President Trump’s self described “dirty trickster”, Roger Stone, to 3 years and 4 months in prison, Trump announced today that he was pardoning Stone. Trump has pardoned other controversial convicted criminals this week, including junk bond king Michael…Politics3 min readPolitics3 min read
Jan 3, 2020Member-onlyThanks for Nothing, Thomas JeffersonThank you, Thomas Jefferson, for fucking us. Of all the things you could have had us pursue…You could’ve had us pursue basic pleasantries with our neighbors, and perhaps today we would not be a divided nation that can’t even talk to each other. You could’ve had us pursue good health…Happiness3 min readHappiness3 min read
Dec 20, 2019Member-onlyHouse RulesBecause the House Rules seemed to work so swimmingly in the Impeachment hearings, I decided to try to institute them at my house. After all, these rules go back to the framers. They’re tried and true for centuries. Why wouldn’t we all be using them in our houses? So when…Political Satire3 min readPolitical Satire3 min read
