Trump Pardons Stone…for Space Force?

WASHINGTON DC, February 20, 2020, 5:31pm EST — Following today’s sentencing of President Trump’s self described “dirty trickster”, Roger Stone, to 3 years and 4 months in prison, Trump announced today that he was pardoning Stone. Trump has pardoned other controversial convicted criminals this week, including junk bond king Michael Milken. What is different this time is that Trump cited the reason for the Stone pardon as a “public need for leadership” in Trump’s fledgling new branch of the military, Space Force. “I’m pardoning Roger Stone,” acknowledged the president, “and by the way I really don’t know him well at all, but I need him, we need him, to lead our new Space Force.”, said the president on The White House south lawn, although Stone has no military experience.

“He’s the real Joker, in that purple hat. Cesar Millan could never get away with that hat and you know it.”, said Trump, apparently mistakenly referring to Dog Whisperer Cesar Millan instead of Cesar Romero, who was the original Joker in the Batman television series. “And those round glasses. Nobody can get away with that except Roger, and he looks good doesn’t he? You know he looks good in that uniform. And I know it. Frankly, I can see all of them wearing that stuff. It’s like Batman. But in space.”

Trump then added that he pardoned former disgraced Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich earlier this week because of his jailhouse nickname, Chewy. “I can only imagine why they called him Chewy in prison. I can imagine that quite vividly. Jail is a tough place.”…