Midterm Report Card
We all know what grade the president gives himself…on everything; an A+. He’s told us so. Shocking for the world’s biggest narcissist, eh? An A+ for bringing us the screaming judge Kavanaugh, an A+ for the bang-up job we did in Puerto Rico, an A+ for the tax cut for millionaires that drove our deficit through the roof, an A+ for his speech at the UN where they were laughing with him, not at him. Uh, right. Talk about grading on a crazy curve.
Well it’s midterms, so it’s time for a real report card. The Moron in Chief gets an F, pure and simple. He gets an F for intentionally dividing the country. Quite intentionally. He gets failing grades for the daily lying, for the stupidity, and for the harm he’s brought to our people, to our rule of law, and to our global standing. Let’s make that an F-.
Congress also gets an F overall. They’ve been cowardly and complicit in this madness for 2 years. Especially the Republicans. F-. Shame on them. Seriously. Shame. Jeff Flake gets a D. He almost stood up, for a minute. McCain gets a B, but only because he died. Were he living, he probably would have voted for Kavanaugh too. Collins gets a D because she has taken courageous votes before, even if not this time when women needed her most. Ryan gets an F for his cowardice and for his raising of the deficit. McConnell gets an F from the entire world. There is no bigger hypocrite. He’s hurt us all for decades. What an awful man. Maybe he should even get a G or a G-.
On the left of the aisle, let’s start at the top with Chuck and Nancy; D’s for both of them. Chuck and Nancy have been 90% ineffectual. They’ve been bringing a knife to a gunfight every single day for over 600 days now. And that’s not even counting that they let McConnell get away with not holding hearings for Obama’s Supreme Court nominee during his final year in office. True, the minority has little power, but the Republicans manage to shut down the government when they’re in the minority. They use every lever, and win. If ever there was a time to pull out all the stops, it is now, while we’re watching our rule of law be completely dismantled. But all Chuck and Nancy seem to know is the old way, which has been rendered useless by Trump and his flying monkeys.
Hillary gets a D too. She sticks her head out long enough to rile up the crazies then goes back into hiding. Obama gets a B. He earns an A+ every time he speaks because he is a brilliant and honorable man. But he gets a B overall, because we need him out there more, speaking sense to the world. Come on Barry, get out on the stump more often and get the A you deserve. The only A on the Democratic side of the aisle is Heidi Heitkamp, who voted her conscience on Kavanaugh in a ruby red state, which will likely cost her seat. She’s the only Profile in Courage in the entire Congress.
What grade do we voters deserve? Every single Republican voter in America except for former Republican Strategist Steve Schmidt and former FL Congressman David Jolly gets an F. If you were a Republican in 2016, even if you didn’t vote for Trump, you deserve an F. That’s because if you have stayed in this horrific party, and thus you are complicit. Jolly and Schmidt are the only two Republicans that I know of who have left the Republican party because they just can’t look their kids in the eye and justify that they’re affiliated with these deplorable, yes deplorable, people. Every single Republican is culpable and deserves an F-. If you really disagree with the horrible things this administration stands for, then leave that party. Go Green, Libertarian, Independent, whatever, but to keep that R by your name means that you’re complicit, because you’re letting them do it all in your name.
Democratic voters get only one grade higher, simply for having the ability to understand what’s going on. They haven’t done anything about it, but they at least understand the stakes. But Dems only deserve a D, because mostly liberals have turned away from the horror to whistle past the graveyard while watching cute animal videos on their expensive phones. Liberals are so upset…that they’ve just had to…mostly disengage… except for three big days of marches, which felt really good and we all wore hats. Liberals’ decision to mostly just not talk about it has further emboldened this administration of liars and thieves and the uneducated panting chanting crowds that think they’re making America great.
Our free press gets a C overall. The Washington Post and NY Times have deservingly earned A’s in the form of Pulitzer Prizes for their investigative work in highlighting a few of the outrages of this hideous administration, while FOX, on the other end of the spectrum, has continued to throw gasoline on the fire every day and keep America divided. Our press has persisted, even if the liberals aren’t listening and the conservatives don’t care. They haven’t managed to stop the hemorrhage, as did Woodward and Bernstein with Nixon, but that’s because of the times we live in. Facebook, not exactly news media, has become the news media whether they or we like it or not, and they get a D-. They literally helped the Trump campaign navigate FB in the election. They did nothing about the millions of Russian emails sent to Americans even while they were paid in rubles and then were less than candid about it all. They are complicit too. And Twitter gets only one character for being the platform dictators choose; F.
Finally, let’s grade our education system. We are, after all, one of the richest and most powerful countries on earth, yet 1/3 of Americans are utterly clueless about whether the Russians are our friend or our foe. 1/3 of us can’t even comprehend who the bad guys are. We are a nation of idiots. Texas teaches students that God made them, as it says in the bible, rather than teaching the scientific theory of evolution. Our education system, especially in the south, is terrible. If you’re not sure, just look at where we are today. Just look at our idiotic national discourse. It’s not just mean, it’s stupid. Betsy De Vos is in charge of our schools. Betsy deer-in-headlights De Vos. Enough said.
So let’s study up, America. Time to cram for our midterms. Let’s get these grades up. We can do better. Much better. Our next test is November 6th.
Originally published at theatreoftheabsurdblog.wordpress.com on November 1, 2018.
