In “Pearl Harbor week”, Trump Turns to Victoria Secret

Jay McAdams
2 min readApr 6, 2020

WASHINGTON DC, April 4th, 2020, 9:26am EST — After being warned on Sunday by Surgeon General Jerome Adams that “This is going to be the hardest and saddest week of most Americans’ lives.”, President Trump again invoked the 1950 Defense Production Act to order another American company to pivot from their normal business model to produce goods to help with the Covid-19 pandemic. After the Surgeon General’s sobering Sunday morning statement on Fox News, the president moved to calm the panic later in the day when he ordered lingerie company Victoria Secret to “…immediately begin production on 100 million face masks. Now if they came from Victoria Secret, I’d sure want to wear one. Right?” tweeted the President.

Asked for comment on Sunday evening, a spokesperson from Victoria Secret’s parent company L Brands was completely unaware of the tweet and said only, “Uh, maybe he doesn’t know but we make bra’s not surgical equipment.”

Trump’s tweet proves that he is indeed aware of Victoria Secret’s product line. “Look, they have c-cups already made. Ready to go. I prefer a D-cup myself, over my mouth, for breathing, for breathing through it, works just like a mask, only for men. Most men will not want to take these off.” tweeted the President Sunday evening, “Except so-called men in California.”

By Monday morning L Brands’ CEO said that she still hadn’t heard directly from the White House but that “… any masks manufactured by Victoria Secret would need to carry our brand image forward. And the last thing we need right now is red-laced masks distracting frontline healthcare workers.”

“Remember those pink pussy hats?” tweeted Trump Sunday night. “I figured, why not pussy masks? Who wouldn’t want that on your mouth. People won’t want to take ’em off.”, tweeted Trump on Sunday just after midnight.

Trump tweeted 29 times about Victoria Secret Sunday evening and into the wee hours of Monday morning until he apparently fell asleep while tweeting, “nothing feels better on your face, just keep … it… there… just… like… that… just… just…”

Originally published at http://theatreoftheabsurdblog.wordpress.com on April 6, 2020.

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Jay McAdams

Jay is an LA-based writer and theatre artist writing about the absurdity of everyday life in the 21st century.