Democrats Getting Ready to Get Tough

Washington DC — May 22, 10:15am EST “House Democrats have finally had enough!” said a leading Democratic congressman, who spoke on condition of anonymity as he entered a closed-door meeting of the House Democratic caucus Wednesday morning to discuss impeachment of the president. Democrats are newly emboldened about the prospect of starting impeachment proceedings after the Trump administration has refused to honor all congressional subpoenas.

Even Speaker Nancy Pelosi, who until now has tried to quell impeachment talk among Democrats, is speaking tough. “The president is involved in a cover-up! And we will not be pushed around any longer.” When asked by reporters what Democrats would do if former presidential advisor Hope Hicks ignores her subpoena as former White House Counsel Don McGahn did yesterday, Pelosi said, “We’ll see to it that we get her swift attention. We will hit her where it hurts.” While Pelosi refused to state what specific punishment Hicks might face, Pelosi’s deputy did not deny the rumor that House Democrats are prepared to have Hicks banned from all “cosmetics stores” in the DC area.

And if that isn’t tough enough, presidential candidate Beto O’Rourke (D-TX) went even further. “We are prepared to order Don McGahn’s mother to testify on Capitol Hill if he keeps stonewalling. Nobody wants to see their mother dragged in front of the cameras.”

House Judiciary Committee Chairman Jerry Nadler (D-NY) threatened to have the gym memberships revoked of all Trump administration officials who ignore subpoenas. “We’re taking off the kid gloves and hitting them where it hurts!” Nadler said.

While no reporters were allowed in the closed-door meeting, it was leaked that Democratic caucus members overwhelmingly supported ordering the House sergeant-at-arms to have “the boot” put on the cars of all those administration officials who put themselves above the law and ignore subpoenas. “This is it. We’re fed up and we’re taking action!” said Pelosi as she exited the meeting. “We’re praying and we’re taking action. We’re all in agreement that the time has come to put an end to this flouting of the law.” Pelosi added. “When their cable is shut off, they’ll know we mean business.”

Originally published at http://theatreoftheabsurdblog.wordpress.com on May 22, 2019.